Let Men Hunt You
Miami - 2023
Men are hardwired differently than women.
If a man isn’t physically attracted to you, he won’t feel any real drive to get more of your attention. But with saying that, he will still give that woman some type of attention…hear me out.
Women are more prone to entertain men they are not interested in due to many factors; they don’t want to be ‘mean’ and walk away, they ‘feel bad’ abruptly ending the conversation, or no one else is giving them attention at the moment so they settle for a little while. But when it comes to going home with a man they DON’T find attractive, more often, a woman will NOT go home with him.
Men, on the other hand, will usually entertain most women in a social setting…if they like her, or not. Men want to be charming. Most men will not be rude and cut a girl off right away just because she isn’t their type. They have perfected the skill of passing a chick off to their friend if they’re not feeling her. But some men, I may have to say, more than some, will go home with a woman they find ‘decent’; but decent doesn’t mean they will call her again.
And this is where women are left wondering why they didn’t get that second date…
You might have had wonderful conversations that lasted hours at that bar…you were both enjoying the moment, went home together, slept together…you think you can see yourself dating him; you both vibed, had things in common etc…Unfortunately, if he doesn’t find you sexually attractive, the relationship you are hoping for, will never progress beyond the friends with benefits zone.
BUT!…if he slept with you, he must find you attractive, right?… sure. But sexually attractive entails more than just your appearance & more often, it doesn’t entail one night stands. Like I mentioned earlier, men will entertain what is fun at the moment. And for that moment only.
But this is 2023, people have one-night stands and can grow something from that…why are you being judgmental?
Of course, there are those situations where a one-night stand leads to a long-lasting relationship, but those rare scenarios are exceptions to the rule. For a general rule of thumb, men do not want ‘easy’ as ‘wifey’ material. Most men do not consider one-night stands as something highly valued women do.
And this is where my whole argument about ‘the chase’ comes into play. This article isn’t about part-time relationships. This is for those who are looking for committed partners.
If you want to venture into a one-night stand, go right ahead, but do not expect that man to have an obligation to call you for a second night out. And ladies, stop sleeping with men who are willing to smash you the first night if you’re looking for a real partner. That man will not be your boyfriend. You have just entered the realm of a fu*k buddy. Women who are looking for a committed relationship, do not sleep with men off the bat. They want a man to chase them; to put that effort in; to pursue them…Men love a good hunt. It’s natural. And it’s exciting.
Women entice and drop subtle cues to who they want, and it is up to the man to reciprocate or keep it moving. If the man finds her attractive, he will pursue her. If he doesn’t approach you, then he doesn’t want you.
Think back to the reasons why you denied a man; was it his clothes? His hair? His smile? His walk? Men have their types too. Maybe you are hot, but they don’t want the Botox lips. Maybe you are pretty, but they don’t like how you walk. Maybe they don’t like your posture or your fake lashes. Everyone has a type.
This shouldn’t be taken as a sign of rejection because you aren’t pretty. It’s just part of the game. The same way a bunch of men you don’t want start hitting on you — you deny them; a man you want one day will deny you. Women have to acknowledge that just because they are ‘hot’, they can still NOT check all the boxes for some men.
And that’s alright. You aren’t for everybody.
But on the bright side, think of it like this — women do hold the power in their feminine energy. We are the ones who ultimately decide if we are going to sleep with a man, be with a man, etc. We are the gatekeepers of sex, while men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Men ask us out; men ask us to be their girlfriend; men ask us to be their wives etc.
We entice a man to reel him in; and that could be by smiling from across the bar, lookin back as you walk past each other, liking his pictures on social media, doing something nonchalant to get his attention. These are casual, subtle cues that let a man know you are interested. They ideally can be labeled as the first move…but again, subtle moves. They do not give everything away, but they give enough to allow a man to feel comfortable approaching you.
This approach is the chase.
When a woman takes that away from a man, the game is over before it starts. If a woman slides into a man’s DMs, if a woman offers her phone number first, if a woman asks to hang out first etc…this is masculine energy. One reason that pursuing men in this way does not work, is because the energy of accomplishment and striving is masculine energy. Men can go on about how they want a dominant woman to approach them — because it’s ‘hot’ when a woman knows what she wants. But this isn’t what you will want down the road if you end up in a relationship with her.
The craving for something new is a natural response of the brain, and men, submit to this impulse more frequently. The chasing stage is all about getting to know you and learning about you. In the early phases of dating, our brains release chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine. These are all-natural hormones that give us those feelings of happiness and euphoria. But once that high is over, so is the chase. This is why you cannot lose sight of the thrill of the chase,from early on in relationships to years down the road. You have to keep that momentum going. And this is why women have to allow the man to continuously want them, to chase them, to pursue them.
If a woman constantly tells you where she wants to go eat for dinner, what movie she wants to watch on a Netflix night in, where your next vacation will be, what you should wear on a Friday night, what your week will look like; eventually her dominant character will overpower any creativity and spontaneity in the relationship.
Men do not want to be controlled. And neither do women. But don’t misconstrue controlling for leading. A healthy relationship is when a man leads. If you don’t lead, a woman will not stay interested.
They want a man who takes initiative and makes decisions. Men want a woman who is confident and can make the right choices. They want a woman who can check them if they act up, but don’t want a woman who can’t check herself. When gender roles are reversed from the beginning, (a woman leading the moves) the relationship is already starting with a disconnect.
Women nurture. Men protect. This is nature. This is also a topic many people have a hard time accepting. When you’re battling the feminist movement, and things like the me-too movement, it’s hard to stand up and side with the men on the aspect of dominance in a relationship. Women are being manipulated into thinking men won’t protect us. Men won’t be loyal to us. Men aren’t trustworthy. And this cannot be further from the truth. But this is a topic for another article …
Back to gender roles in a relationship…Masculine energy is the most satisfied when it is achieving something.
When a man knows he succeeded in ‘getting you’, he will feel proud of it. His efforts didn’t go to waste and he completed his mission of winning you over. And this is where our role comes into play now; we have to continue the thrill, and keep them on their toes to want more. People want things that are precious and rare. And you won’t look rare spilling your emotions right away, blowing his phone up, falling over him etc. Be mysterious. Let him learn about you… slowly.
Achievement is associated with happiness. Making a woman happy is an achievement. The process of getting you to agree to little things show you are interested. And these are considered wins for a man. The first mission of saying hello to you is an achievement. Getting your number is an achievement. Getting you to text or call them back is an achievement. Agreeing to seeing him again is an achievement. A man cannot achieve anything if you walk over and tell him ‘here’s my number, call me’. You took away the mystery. You took away the chase. You jumped into the masculine role with such direct and blunt behavior.
There’s a million articles that explain how women should be more dominant and go after what they want. But we cannot fall victim to this mindset of thinking we’re supposed to make things happen in a relationship the same way we do with other parts of our lives.
In the modern world, it might feel so easy to slide into someone’s DMs. To say ‘screw this, I’m messaging him’. But the digital world still functions the same way the real world does. You wouldn’t randomly go up to a man and start a conversation about how good-looking they are. Women should play the feminine role; and that is to be sexy, sultry, and seductive. Women lure the man in, and if he wants us, he will come.
What you should do in the real world, is go stand next to him at the bar and order a drink. See if he turns to speak to you. See if he is interested. You dropped the subtle cue by getting closer to him, and now let him reciprocate back. If you’re at the grocery store, pretend you are reaching for something in the same area as him. Smile and say excuse me. And let him reciprocate a conversation if he is interested. Our social cues will make him comfortable to approach us. Plus, it is an ego boost for the man. The little attention you threw his way started the chase.
There are women out there who believe men are nervous or scared to go up to females. I am not one of those women. I believe men know when a woman is in their league. They know when to muster up the courage to approach her. Men will feel comfortable around a woman they perceive her to be on the same level as them. And that goes for women as well. We become nervous around people we feel intimidated by. We feel at ease with someone who understands our humor, our rhythm, and so forth.
If you’ve done all the social cues, and are still receiving no response, that is either the man’s loss for being clueless, or he is just not that into you.
“But I’m a go-getter. I’m not shy. And I start convos with men all the time…”
You can chat up men all you want. But you are tossing yourself right into the category of ‘this is me, and let me tell you about me, because I want you to know about me, because I think you’re f*ckin hot”… This whole category is extremely needy.
By being so direct and pulling a man in for a conversation, you gave your power away. And instead of coming off as mysterious or sexy, you are coming off as needy and too available. You want to be flirtatious and receptive to his advances. But he has to be the one to pursue more of your time and attention, while you’re the one allowing that attention in and embracing it.
The chase is all about that hot-cold, hot-cold behavior. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who comes across as girlish, almost naive, with a sweet laugh, but still able to catch an attitude, put you in your place, and be sophisticated with her words. That’s the chase. When you’re on your toes because you don’t want to mess up; when you’re wondering if she’ll like something; when you don’t want to be late; when you don’t know when you’ll see her again; it’s the excitement of the unknown. It’s flirting. It’s persistence…
Almost every love story is the same. The man is in constant pursuit of his woman, entangling himself in all these obstacles to win the girl’s heart. The man keeps coming for the girl. And the girl enjoys being wanted.
Except now, modern dating has taught women it’s okay to force men into relationships. Most men do not even realize it, but they will settle if a woman has an overpowering and overwhelming personality. This is a concept people struggle with. Women do not want to admit they didn’t allow their men to choose them. And most men don’t know how to say no.
If you don’t let a man choose you, you’re going against nature. A man is supposed to pick his woman.
Women drop the subtle cues. And the men will reciprocate if they find her attractive. Thus, men pick their women. This methodology keeps people in their lane. Women are more prone to believing they are better than they are due to self inflated egos. This leads them to going after men who are out of their league, and then feel rejection harder when the man doesn’t acknowledge them. They pursue men who don’t want them. This is why a man is supposed to pick his woman. They are more logical when it comes to flirting with women in their league. When a man chooses you, he believes you two will match. But woah, hold up, now you’re thinking about that weird guy who approached you at the coffee shop the other day…that guy thinks I’m his match? Take a step back and think about what you have to offer in a relationship. If it’s not much, and you thought he was not much, the cards seem to be matching up. Sometimes though, men will try and shoot their shot with women who they know are way out of their league, but that’s an exception to the rule. A man can always dream right….
Men do not want a ‘hard to get’ type of chase. They want a challenge for something they believe will be worth it in the end. They want to know you are interested enough, but not too much where they know they won already. Remember, you have to let a man be a man. They want to feel in control of their decisions. They need to be empowered and feel dominant. Even if we have the final say in the situation if we want to be with them or not, we have to let him court us; he has to feel like he chose us; it’s the satisfaction they crave. When you put effort into something and finally get your hands on it, more than likely you will want to keep it because you’re proud of your prize. This same ideology works for relationships. He put so much effort into winning you over, he will be proud to call you his woman. If you give your cards up too easy, you lose. And this isn’t about holding out on sex to prove you are a good girl, it’s about timing. Building a solid foundation shows you want them to take you serious.
People vibe on all levels of frequencies. When you meet someone, you may feel an alignment. You know when it’s balanced, and you know when there is a disconnect. Healthy-minded people, grounded and stable people, who are in search of a life partner, understand the value of the hunt. The chase isn’t about playing games and making a man want you, only to diss him in the end. The chase isn’t about boosting your ego with a bunch of men gawking after you. The chase is about allowing a good man to put the work in to win you over (even when we already know he’s making it to the finish line).
Do you think women should make the first move…would this make a man feel less? Would this be attractive? Would a man take a woman seriously if she walked up to him and just tossed him her number? Or is this just a quick fling type?
Check out the comment section here from when I posted this back on my Medium platform.
