Are you an excuse generator?

Published in Journal

Weak people are professional excuse generators.

Yup. Somebody has to say it. It’s their go-to move whenever things get uncomfortable. Instead of tackling awkward convos or owning up to a mistake, these types of people whip out an excuse faster than you can ask ‘what happened?’ They create excuses to avoid responsibility. They use them to deflect blame. They want to make sure they let us know the sob story. I’m sorry, I mean the back story—about how it was the situation or someone else that messed things up for them.

Reasons turn into excuses the moment they’re used to dodge responsibility.

When you keep passing the buck, when you keep shifting blame, you’re essentially saying, “I’m not responsible for my own life.” This mindset is a recipe for stagnation. It’s a classic self-sabotage move. You’re avoiding responsibility for that failure; and failure, after all, is one of the greatest teachers—that is, if you’re willing to learn from it.

At its core, an excuse is a deflection. And weak people stunt their growth by constantly creating excuses for things. They convince themselves the result or outcome is out of their hands. So why bother changing? “It wasn’t my fault,” they say. “If it weren’t for XYZ, things would’ve been different.” They’re stuck in a loop, repeating they’re not the problem. When you don’t believe you’re indulging in self-destructive behavior, you can never grow or improve.

Eventually, failure becomes a familiar friend, and the weaklings get numb to it. Excuse-generating becomes a part of their character; a crutch they lean on instead of leveling up. Character is all about how we operate on the daily—our habits, both good and bad, shape who we are.

Psychologists have a name for this excuse game: it’s called self-handicapping.

It’s when we act on things that messes with our performance and motivation. Excuses become a distraction that prevents the weak from succeeding. But self-handicapping derives from a deeper, unconscious desire to protect yourelf from feeling shame or anxiety. Thanks, Ego!

The more anxious we feel, the more likely we throw up walls that block our success. And excuses make everything worse, propping up fragile egos, protecting them from the sting of criticism. But in life, it’s normal to fail; to be judged; to be rejected. We all hit weak points. It’s just part of the ride.

What does weak mean?
Liable to break or give way under pressure; easily damaged.

How we react when things go sideways is what really counts. Do you tough it out and push through, or do you deflect, blame, and never own up to the sh*t you stepped in?

Weak people will put your words of motivation and encouragement through the meat grinder to avoid the obvious problem—themself. And I know firsthand when a weakling is folding hard under pressure. My sister is weak. I hate to use her as an example, but if the shoe fits. She has the weak personality trait of a scorekeeper. She needs that validation and reassurance.

I remember actually agreeing with her on a topic, and I phrased it in a way that was almost rewording what she said. Something along the lines of: “Yeah, you’re right. I can’t stand when waiters try to rush you after dessert to.” She became unusually sensitive to whether or not her 'thought’ was properly being credited to her. It was this weird hyper-vigilance to disrespect. Instead of taking my response as a normal back and forth conversation, she interpreted me restating her idea as somehow taking ownership of her thought process. It became a whole thing. Why are you downplaying me? I literally just said that.

Another weakling close to me, let’s call him #2, has been the type of person who has always been praised for his achievements —yes, he deserved it because he worked hard and earned it, but this has its side effects. He can’t handle raw criticism, because he never got it growing up. The Golden Child complex. He closes off when anyone comments on his decisions or personal life. He’s sensitive to opinions that target his character, because his whole life he’s been the ‘best’. Any action (from him or others close to him) that comprises his image of Mr.Perfect, he’s quick to justify and defend—even if he knows his behavior is wrong or something could be better.

Both of these personalities tend to make excuses for their actions and even attack the behavior of others who wronged them, all in an effort to avoid looking ‘weak’ or ‘foolish.’

According to researchers at the University of Florida, excuse-making isn’t all bad. When used strategically, excuses can protect self-esteem, reduce anxiety and depression, and even give your immune system a boost. Relieving the pressure on your self-image, allows you to regroup, bounce back stronger and try again.

But here’s the catch: for an excuse to work in your favor, it needs to be believable. It has to maintain both the importance of your goal, while not exhausting the sympathy of those around you.

Step outside these lines, and you’re in dangerous territory. Instead of an excuse protecting you temporarily, it becomes detrimental, protecting you habitually. Accountability is nonexistent. And eventually, others start seeing you as deceitful or incompetent.

You probably recognize some of these excuses:

An outright lie—I was sick!
Self-handicapping—I’m just not strong enough to do it.
Blame-shifting—I couldn’t finish it because X dropped me off home too late.

Changing a habitual response can feel tough, if not tougher, than sticking to a New Year’s resolution that fades away around mid January. While excuse-making usually happens subconsciously, breaking a habit takes a lot of conscious effort. Habits are deeply ingrained in the brain’s basal ganglia, where dopamine neurotransmitters create a reward system that makes the habit feel good.

In experiments with rats, scientists found a region of the prefrontal cortex called the infralimbic (IL) cortex as playing an important role in habitual behavior. Learning a new habit doesn't necessarily erase the old one. They’re tucked away, ready to resurface at a trigger’s notice.

Which possibly explains something we've all experienced. You spend weeks thinking you've finally changed a behavior, only to find yourself tired, stressed, angry, embarrassed—and suddenly there you are again. Same reaction. Same excuse. Same old you just itching to get out.

Let’s talk MINDFULNESS

Most of our behavior is habitual. When we get uncomfortable, our brain reaches for the response it’s familiar with, and before we’ve even realized what we’re doing, the excuses are already spitting out of our mouth.

But automatic behavior doesn’t mean uncontrollable behavior. How do we get better at spotting and managing these semi-automatic type behaviors?

One simple trick is mindfulness meditation. No, you don’t have to sit crossed legged every morning for five minutes and speak to the trees. Mindfulness is that little space between the feeling and the reaction. That tiny moment of paying attention to what’s happening intentionally can help you notice your impulse before immediately jumping on it.

Sometime's that’s all you need. A quick one second pause to just think. Are you explaining what happened, or are you trying to excuse your way out of something?

Breaking free from the Excuse Trap —

It starts with self-awareness. Pay attention to the times you jump to making excuses and ask why. What are you trying to protect? Your ego? Your self-image? Because sometimes the excuse really has very little to do with what actually happened. And has everything to do with not exposing something uncomfortable about us.

Take responsibility. This doesn’t mean beating yourself up over every mistake, but it does mean owning your actions and their consequences. Take ownership. Give yourself the power to make changes and improve. Stop being a victim of circumstance and start taking control of your life.

Do something different with the mistake. Redirect your setbacks into chances to learn and develop. Instead of wasting energy concocting some convincing explanation for why something happened, try asking yourself what you could do differently next time instead. That question forces you to admit you had some control in the matter; which is exactly why excuses are so tempting in the first place.